Dear Father Wingnut: My newly acquired spouse insisted that we both wear white at our wedding, which I felt was deeply hypocritical, given the fact that our very own progeny ® took part in the ceremony.
Insufficiently satisfied by my capitulation, "he" has now embarked upon obtaining the newly created "Right III of Trans-gender-ing." However, our utterly orthodox priest ® has balked at his insistence upon using the fully abrogated, yet completely agglomerated, Liturgy of Lepanto. My spouse insists that without inclusion of the phrase A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lindor-burúmë, the rite will be totally lacking in validity. Can your church help me? Signed, -- Them Bishops Be Crazy.
Dear Them, I'm not sure. First, let me salute your spouse's resolute and unwaivering support for tradition. If we don't retain our olden ways ®, mere anarchy will be loosed upon the world. Perhaps, after his transition, "he" might want to consider pursuing his own inordinate ordination ®.
And if your own
bastard spawn sweet child could also be enlisted,
then your family could be the first to fully embody the Gospel ideal of a priesthood of all believers. Given the upcoming Synod on Cloning, just think of the future possibilities!
Yours, in all sincerity, + Fr. Wingnut.