We deny to claim "any Superiority to ourself
to defyne, decyde, or determyn any Article or Poynt
of the Christian Fayth and Relligion,
or to chang any Ancient Ceremony of the Church
from the Forme before received and observed
by the Catholick and Apostolick Church."

Norman Simplicity

Norman Simplicity
Click image for original | © Vitrearum (Allan Barton)

Monday, June 1, 2015

Episode Two: Worth Saying?

Dear Father Wingnut: My newly acquired spouse insisted that we both wear white at our wedding, which I felt was deeply hypocritical, given the fact that our very own progeny ® took part in the ceremony.

Insufficiently satisfied by my capitulation, "he" has now embarked upon obtaining the newly created "Right III of Trans-gender-ing." However, our utterly orthodox priest ® has balked at his insistence upon using the fully abrogated, yet completely agglomerated, Liturgy of Lepanto. My spouse insists that without inclusion of the phrase A-lalla-lalla-rumba-kamanda-lindor-burúmë, the rite will be totally lacking in validity. Can your church help me? Signed, -- Them Bishops Be Crazy.

Father Wingnut replies:

Dear Them, I'm not sure. First, let me salute your spouse's resolute and unwaivering support for tradition. If we don't retain our olden ways ®, mere anarchy will be loosed upon the world. Perhaps, after his transition, "he" might want to consider pursuing his own inordinate ordination ®.

And if your own bastard spawn sweet child could also be enlisted,

then your family could be the first to fully embody the Gospel ideal of a priesthood of all believers. Given the upcoming Synod on Cloning, just think of the future possibilities!

Yours, in all sincerity, + Fr. Wingnut.


  1. I do wonder what Treebeard would say about priestesses and homosexual unions, and how that would sound in Old Entish. Burárum, most likely.

    1. Whatever it might be, it could not be as pithy as Adorno's pertinent observation: “Wrong life cannot be lived rightly.”